Every once in a while your parents, ya know, come out with something that makes you realize—in that very visceral way—that they were actually cool once … perhaps blisteringly witty even. I know, I know. That’s crazy talk, but hear me out.

I was riding with my mom in the city recently. Without adding anything more to the story, this is already a high-intensity experience … she tends to turn into the Burt Reynolds character in Smokey and the Bandit as soon as she crosses the Boston city limits.

Anyway, we were stopped at a light and this pedestrian dude was waiting to cross the street. I guess he got impatient for the crosswalk signal because he started pressing the button … very, very vigorously. It started to sway back and forth, slightly at first, but with ever-increasing velocity … looked like he might uproot the little thing.

Before he could actually topple it, the light changed and he crossed. We were still laughing our asses off when my mom said, “He must have to get back before lockdown.”

“Noooooo, he looks totally normal to me … other than his bizarre distaste for traffic lights.”

“You’ve been in the city too long, sweetheart.”

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Speaking of married hunks who look like they could pull your spine out through your left nostril … yummy Clive.

Thanks, Rambler. As you say, Clive Owen + Motley Crue = Magically Delicious.

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Sometimes when I’m taking the bus to work, I sit in the center seat of the very back row, which is raised up above the engine … and all the other seats, and I pretend that I’m sitting on a throne and that the people on the bus are my subjects. The national anthem of my little principality is by Fall Out Boy. (Pete played at my coronation.) The national flower is the purple iris.

My Dominion

UPDATE:

A few readers have inquired about there perhaps being other reasons I might choose to sit where I do on the bus each morning, and I admit the seats in the back do vibrate ever so gently. Frankly, it’s a nice way to start the day. But, I mean, if you were gonna have a throne, you’d have one that vibrated too, no?

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